Every case is different, and every case is handled in light of its own facts. The comments below do not constitute legal advice, but are posted here for informational purposes.

Very few divorces go to trial. The large majority settle.

The level of emotion and upset that exist for most people going into a divorce is very high, but this actually is part of the reason why the terms of divorces are usually agreed to between the parties. Proceeding to trial lengthens the divorce process, and it can greatly intensify the considerable chaos accompanying the end of a marriage. Usually neither party wants to make the divorce process a longer and larger part of their lifetimes. When there are children involved, it becomes particularly important that pathways to settlement are fully explored.

There are other important reasons why parties settle. One is predictability. Only through reaching agreement concerning such issues as property distribution, custody and visitation, and maintenance and support, can you have control over the resolution of these issues. If you go to trial you may get very fair results, but you will not have control over the results, because that power falls to the judge when the parties cannot agree.

Another reason to settle instead of proceed to trial is financial cost. Even for a couple that was doing well financially, a divorce can bring on financial hardships. One primary income may become split between two households. There may be a change of jobs, a relocation, or other disruptions of finances. Often parties can receive much needed financial relief by reaching agreement instead of proceeding to trial.

In some cases, the result likely available from the judge is so meaningfully superior to the result that the other side is willing to agree to that it can be very important to proceed to trial. Daniel Sobel is prepared to represent his clients at trial, to persuasively and thoroughly state their cases. But for most people, it should be understood, hiring a lawyer for a divorce is not about hiring a lawyer for a trial. It is usually about hiring a lawyer to take the steps necessary to obtain a fair settlement.

As important as the outcome of a family law matter may be to your children’s future, it may be equally important that you shield them from the details of the case.

A parent may have a very understandable impulse to share with his or her children the causes or details of a family law matter, but giving in to this impulse can be very harmful to the child. One of the greatest services a parent can provide for children during divorce, or during child support or visitation controversies, is to shield them from too much involvement in or knowledge of the details of those controversies. In part, this is to reduce the stress on the child during the present controversy, but it is also to protect the child’s chance at having the best possible relationship with both parents going forward.

A child may reside primarily with one parent or the other after a divorce or separation, but there is a reason the phrases ‘ex-child’ and ‘ex-parent’ do not exist in our vocabulary the way ‘ex-husband’ and ‘ex-wife’ do. A child’s need for the best possible relationship with both parents is in no way diminished by a divorce.

In some cases of abuse it is otherwise, but generally speaking, an important part of successfully resolving a family law controversy is avoiding harm to the child’s relationship with either parent.